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In today’s episode of Post Traumatic Parenting, I delve further into the topic of entanglement, boundaries, and how to get out of entanglement. If you recall the previous episode, you remember Esme, a post-traumatic parent who is so tangled up in the dynamics of her family of origin that it interferes with her parenting style and hinders her ability to parent in accordance with her values. Esme has sought my guidance in analyzing her situation and finding a way out of this entanglement. 


While some may believe that cutting off ties or completely withdrawing from her family is the solution, they are mistaken. The answer lies in something that many post-traumatic parents find confusing and challenging: boundaries. 


By setting healthy boundaries and honoring them, parents like Esme can reclaim their true identity, realign with their values, and once again parent in accordance with their values. Join me as I discuss the importance and purpose of boundaries, the adverse effects of repeatedly breaking boundaries, how to establish clear boundaries, effectively communicate them with others, and more.


Note: In this episode, I mistakenly referred to it as episode 15. However, we had to publish an additional episode prior to this one. Therefore, please note that this episode is actually episode 16. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused and hope you enjoy listening to this episode!


Topics covered in this episode:

  • Why do post-traumatic parents often lack an understanding of boundaries?
  • The story of Mrs. McGillicutty highlights the importance of boundaries and the consequences of ignoring them.
  • Boundaries are not about estrangement, but rather about mediating closeness and maintaining personal integrity.
  • How does anger serve as an antidote to guilt, and what role does justified guilt play in acknowledging mistakes and repairing relationships?
  • In what ways can anger temporarily suppress guilt, potentially leading to the acceptance of behaviors that would normally be unacceptable in a calm state?
  • Why do boundaries exist, and what purpose do they serve in relationships?
  • Different understandings of boundaries often cause anger and conflicts in relationships.
  • Why is there no objective standard for boundaries, and why might what works for one family not work for another?
  • When can exceptions be made to boundaries, and how should these exceptions be handled?
  • Setting clear boundaries and effectively communicating them in relationships.
  • How does setting boundaries help children establish a strong sense of self and values as part of their development?
  • How can good boundaries protect children from peer pressure?


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More about Post Traumatic Parenting:

“How can I give my kids a normal childhood, when mine was anything but?” Post-Traumatic Parenting is the podcast for anyone who has ever asked themselves that question. Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and Post-Traumatic Parent, combines the fields of post-traumatic recovery and growth with our best understanding of how to raise Little Humans. Through interviews with experts in the fields of behavior science, psychology, trauma, and child development, as well as interviews with toy developers, children’s book authors, and anyone else who makes childhood a delight, Dr. Koslowitz explores how trauma impacts our parenting, and how to hack our traumas into superpowers and super-parenting.


Each week, Dr. Koslowitz unpacks how to survive and thrive as a Post-Traumatic Parent. She shares behind-the-scenes insights into the research that underlies what we know about parenting, child development, and trauma recovery. Each podcast provides actionable tips about how to transform our Post-Traumatic Parenting and how to turn our parenting journey into a post-traumatic growth experience. Dr. Koslowitz interviews some of the famous names in these fields, and some experts you’ve never heard of (but should have!). Ready to go from survivor to thriver? Ready to become the parent you’ve always dreamed of being? Join us!